When you first find out your pregnant your mind is awash in emotions. My first thought was somewhere along the lines of, “YAY-Ermahgerd-Holy *@%&*!-So excited-So scared”. I also immediately started to think about how I would tell my husband (he was out of town for a wedding when I took the test), our parents, and the one I was dreading the most – my boss.
I don’t know why I was so nervous about this. My boss at the time was an awesome person to work for. He understood that we had a personal life outside of work and was genuinely happy/excited/sad for his employees whenever one of us experienced a major life event. However, I was terrified, as I had been in my role for less than a year, and truly loved it. I didn’t want my pregnancy to be seen as an indication of my commitment/non-commitment to my job and my career. I also felt incredibly awkward in telling my male boss I was pregnant because, well, you all know how babies are made and how immodestly we enter this world…
Yes, I understand this is silly, but I’ve always been a rule follower and something about the situation made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Which is probably a reflection of misogyny, expectations for women, etc., but that’s for another post…
Anyway, I actually told my boss I was pregnant at only 9 weeks along. This was 2-3 weeks before I told my parents, and he was only the 4th person to know behind my husband, a girlfriend and my doctor. A situation had come up at work that required us to plan for something several months down the road, and I didn’t feel comfortable having those conversations without also letting him know I was now carrying around a very tiny co-worker. I hadn’t intended to tell him that early; but, I felt the circumstances necessitated I divulge my little secret.
So, I spent a weekend stewing over the appropriate wording; googled all the articles about telling your boss your pregnant (I recommend this one); and wrote down my talking points, so that when my voice undoubtedly started shaking, I had an anchor point. In the end, my boss was overjoyed, immediately insisted I take the full 12 weeks of leave offered by my company, and assured me we had plenty of time to come up with a plan. I tend to jump to worst-case scenario as I think through tricky conversations, but as per usual, my worry was much ado about nothing. It was a pleasant conversation (although I probably sounded like I was about to cry the whole time) and I came away even more grateful for a supportive supervisor who placed such great value on family. Regardless, it was an exchange I was THRILLED to be finished with and I know that not everyone comes away feeling better after having it. However, with a little preparation, you can put yourself in the best position possible to walk out the door leaving your boss confident in your plan and still feeling excited about your good news.
Here’s my five tips for telling your boss your pregnant:
- Call your HR department and/or review your employee manual before you speak with your supervisor so you are up-to-date on your company’s family leave polices. My HR department had an anonymous line, which was a huge help. However, if this is not possible at your place of employment, be sure to ask your HR department as soon as you’ve spoken with your boss so you can begin to develop your plan. If have a mind for legalese and the patience to read a government website, the Department of Labor also details your FMLA rights.
- Schedule a specific time to talk with your boss. Don’t spring it on her/him at the end of the meeting or during a particularly stressful project.
- Prepare a rough outline of your plan for coverage while you are on leave. Your boss will appreciate you taking the initiative on this and coming with ideas in hand. Some questions to consider:
- Will you be out during a busy time of year?
- Do you plan to work up until the baby arrives?
- Who on your team would you need to step-up in your absence?
- What will you need to do to hit the ground running when you return from leave?
- What’s your childcare plan (or when do you plan to have one), particularly for nights, weekends, etc. You do work in sports…
- Consider the appropriate timing. Many women choose to wait until they are in the 2nd trimester, but if your small human has you spending a lot of time w/ the doctor or in a bathroom stall, you may not have the choice but to share. This is a personal decision, but one that needs to consider the appropriate amount of time your company will need to prepare for coverage while you are out of the office.
- DON’T tell your co-workers before you tell your supervisor. Your boss should hear the news and your plan directly from you, not the rumor mill.
I hope these five tips help guide you through our own conversations with your employer. Please comment below with any other suggestions and check out my post about preparing for maternity leave and your first few weeks back at work after baby.