There I sat on December 31, 2017, alone on the couch with some over-fried delivery hot chicken and cheap wine. My husband was upstairs recovering from a second battle with a holiday stomach bug that managed to wipe out my entire family and cancel Christmas. Our sweet, small human – just nine months old – had been patient zero. We spent most of the week in Nebraska taking bets as to who would be the next to go down and spend their night with their head in the toilet. It hadn’t really been the “First Christmas” we imagined, but really, unrealized expectations were the theme of 2017.
For many reasons, it was most certainly not the first year of motherhood I had imagined and it was incredibly difficult for many others we knew and loved (more on that here). I was ready for a fresh start and was hoping and praying 2018 would be brighter. As I spent my evening watching terrible TV, thinking about what may lie ahead in the next year, a thought continued to pop-up in my mind again and again – as it had been for months. So, I finally did something about it. I purchased the domain name for this site.
It was a small step, costing me $89, that was just one of many micro-actions that lead me to finally making this idea public in six months later (Yes, it took me that long to work up the courage to do so…). However, as we approach the end of 2018, this small step has me reflecting on some of the other lessons I learned this year. So, here are my TOP THREE LESSONS OF 2018 – because, really, can you claim to be a blogger if you don’t write the end-of-year, “What I learned”, post?
1. Going public with an idea generates confidence AND accountability.
I didn’t even tell my husband about my idea for this site until after I had bought a domain name and stewed over it for at least two months. There was no doubt in my mind that he would be supportive, but verbalizing this idea to someone else also meant I would be held accountable to following through. It was safe and comfortable to keep it to myself. Bit by bit, I started to tell others – mothers in the sports industry I respected, my friends and graduate school classmates – and the overwhelmingly positive feedback I received built my confidence and encouraged me to continue pushing forward.
However, it also caused me to seriously consider whether or not I was built for something like this. I’m an introvert by nature, and I’ll admit, I need a breaks from our constantly connected world. I knew the success of and value provided by this blog would be highly dependent upon me becoming more active and engaged on social media, and that TERRIFIED me. I value my privacy and sharing my struggles and perspective with close family members, let alone colleagues and complete strangers, had me swimming in the “What will they think?” purgatory for quite some time. I also try to be intentional about not being on my phone when I am with my family after work, and I knew that this would make that more difficult.
Nevertheless, I felt that this concept had been stewing for long enough that I would regret not seeing it through. I knew I’d feel even more sheepish not putting myself out there after having shared my idea with women I considered to be examples for other mothers in the sports industry.
So, to anyone who spoke with me before Sports Biz Mom was public, or who has reached out to me, shared an article, or participated in an interview since – THANK YOU! Please keep it coming! I still have days where I question whether or not this is worth it or if I’m the right woman to be hosting this platform. Your engagement continues to build my confidence and also gives me the motivation I need to try to find more ways to provide value and content.
2. Saying “Yes” with your time also means saying “No” to something else.
As with most women who were starting out in the workforce in 2013, I read Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In” and I took the message to heart. Progressing in my career meant being assertive and taking on new opportunities without questioning my readiness to do so or how I would fit said obligations in my daily life. If someone requested a volunteer or that I take on a leadership role for a new project at work, or in one of the community organizations I was involved with outside of the office, I’d jump in with two feet and figure out the logistics later.
However, I found myself taking on responsibilities without really considering what I may be giving up to do so. Every time I said yes, I was also saying no to quality time with my family; no to taking care of myself; no to having a social life; and no to the minimal minutes I already struggle to find to work on this blog. I felt depleted and uninspired, and that I really had no time to pursue the things that truly brought me joy. With the busiest season of work on the horizon, I knew something had to change.
Then, I stumbled across this episode of The Refined Collective podcast, featuring Jordan Lee Dooley – an Etsy shop owner, blogger, podcaster, and soon-to-be published author of the book Purpose: Breaking Through Insecurities, Expectations, and the Pressure to Prove.
I had never heard of Jordan before that day, and admittedly haven’t spent a ton of time perusing her site since (although I am looking forward to reading her book come March 2019) – but her message really spoke to me and has been in the back of mind as I’ve focused on being more intentional with how I spend my time.
The just of the episode is that we often live under chronic pressure to prove. We do things because we feel it’s expected of us versus something that is truly a passion of our hearts. She encouraged the listeners to make a list of the things in their lives that come from a place of purpose and also a place of pressure – and then prune the activities from the “pressure” side of the list. I’ve been working hard on doing this over the past two to three months, and honestly can say I am feeling the metaphorical weight of that pressure off my shoulders. I said no, so I could say YES to the things that really matter to me, my family, and my purpose.
Sidebar: Typing the above paragraph – particularly the “passion of our hearts” portion – makes my skin crawl. I come from a long line of emotional turtles that “don’t do feelings” well. Thinking and speaking this way makes me incredibly uncomfortable and feels inauthentic, but I’m working on being more of a feeler, so bear with me…
3. Regular exercise is non-negotiable.
Prior to 2014, I hadn’t been much of a regular at the gym. I was an athlete in high school, but I spent much of my college years and immediate ones afterward going through an intense few months or exercise and then extended absences when life would get busy or it became inconvenient.
Then, in an effort to look like a smaller version of myself in a wedding gown, I started running and registered for my first half marathon in May 2014. Yes, this was incredibly vain. No, I did not keep the weight off after the wedding.
However, this stereotypical “shedding for the wedding” did lead me to realize that that I am also mentally healthier when I move consistently. I’ve found that long distance running is just what this Type-A gal needs in her life to feel accomplished…and tired enough to shut her brain off at night. Using a term one of my co-workers coined (you know who you are, Mama!), I am a run-hole, and I am proud of it. I’m not fast and it’s not pretty, but it makes me feel like a better me.
Anyway, other than a six month period from November 2017 to May 2018, I’ve been consistently active for the better part of the past five years. Even when I was majorly pregnant, I still attempted to waddle my way up and down the hill to our local coffee shop. But, for whatever reason, last winter – I just stopped. I have no idea why, but I felt HORRIBLE all of the time. I was irritable, stressed, unhealthy, and perhaps worst of all, felt unaccomplished. It’s no wonder that my anxiety sky-rocketed during this period and eventually forced me to seek help. The first assignment from my therapist? RUN.
It was incredibly simple, but somehow I veered off track. Since May, I’ve been running consistently and am getting in a good sweat session either outside or at the gym three to four times per week. My body may not be any lighter (I live in Wisconsin – cheese and beer make this impossible), but my mind sure is – and that’s honestly so much better.
I don’t share this to shame anyone, but rather to encourage you to take time for you – in whatever form gets the endorphins flowing. Even if it’s just a half hour to read, or a quick walk around the block – you need it. I am a better Mom, wife, and employee when I do, and I’m so sad that I forgot that for a brief period of time this year. Lesson learned.
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And there you have it – my TOP THREE LESSONS OF 2018. As you celebrate the New Year, I thank anyone reading this for their support of this blog thus far. It’s not where I want it to be, but I’m also incredibly excited to see where it goes with renewed focus and perspective. May 2019 bring you love, success, health, and just enough uncomfortable moments to keep you on your toes. Cheers!